Somebody's Out To Kill Me...

So, when I got to church today, I immediately went to the men's restroom (yes, the men's, just in case any of you were unsure about that....). (without giving too many details) I sat down, and just as I was reaching for the paper I noticed something stuck on the first square...


For those of you who are unfamiliar with the local vegetation, that is what we like to call a "sandspur". They're basically deadly...one prick and you'll swell up like a cactus until your throat closes and you die.

OK, so maybe that last part about dying isn't true, but they can hurt and leave little splinters in you for weeks...I can only imagine the pain had I not spotted the trap.

My guess is one of the little punk youth boys left that there for me last night knowing that I often dance with the porcelain queen in the morning...there's no way it could have gotten in that place unless somebody planted it there. I've narrowed it down to a few likely suspects. Lucky for me I know where their bathrooms are located...

Nate